Guidlines for the Gym
The importance of regular exercise sunk in when I arrived in Paris to meet a friend I haven't seen for a while who immediatly cracked up laughing, repeatedly calling me 'beer after work man'.
Since the age of 18 I have been a member of 5 different gyms at one time or another. I don't particularly like the gym, its not a very welcoming place its full of very odd people. I go to the gym as I feel it is important given my partiality to beer and food and my adolescent metabolism now being a distant memory.
I've come up with a few guidlines to make the gym visits more tolerable.
1) Blokes, I appreciate that supposedly 1 in 10 of us is a homosexual, perhaps, given that my gym is a) a gym and b) in Central London this could perhaps be as high as 1 in 5. It would be nice if they could respect the 80 per cent of us that are hetero. I appreciate that they are working out to look good when they go out cruising however there is no rainbow flag outside the gym, and there are plenty of more suitable places to go on the pull or indeed come out of the closet, indeed I heard rumours that once night falls on Hampstead Heath the entire spectrum of homo-erotic fetishes are catered for in various locations across the park.
2) Hetero blokes can avoid giving the homos the wrong impression by not poncing about the changing rooms, there are NO girls there, there NEVER will be any girls there and don't they have a mirror at home in to which they can stare at themselves intensely whilst flexing their muscles?
3) Obviously nudity is to be expected in the changing rooms though logic and practicality suggests underwear should be put on before shirts ties and cufflinks.
4) Remember beauty is on the inside or to put it more crudely 'you can't polish a turd'
5) Girls if you don't want boys to look at twenty of you on all fours with your bums sticking in the air in the fitness studio doing your legs bums and tums class, write to the gym and ask them to fit curtains in the fitness studio.
6) Boys be a bit more discreet when staring at the girls in legs bums and tums class otherwise they will put curtains or tinted glass in the fitness studio and deprive us of one of the few joys of the gym.
Since the age of 18 I have been a member of 5 different gyms at one time or another. I don't particularly like the gym, its not a very welcoming place its full of very odd people. I go to the gym as I feel it is important given my partiality to beer and food and my adolescent metabolism now being a distant memory.
I've come up with a few guidlines to make the gym visits more tolerable.
1) Blokes, I appreciate that supposedly 1 in 10 of us is a homosexual, perhaps, given that my gym is a) a gym and b) in Central London this could perhaps be as high as 1 in 5. It would be nice if they could respect the 80 per cent of us that are hetero. I appreciate that they are working out to look good when they go out cruising however there is no rainbow flag outside the gym, and there are plenty of more suitable places to go on the pull or indeed come out of the closet, indeed I heard rumours that once night falls on Hampstead Heath the entire spectrum of homo-erotic fetishes are catered for in various locations across the park.
2) Hetero blokes can avoid giving the homos the wrong impression by not poncing about the changing rooms, there are NO girls there, there NEVER will be any girls there and don't they have a mirror at home in to which they can stare at themselves intensely whilst flexing their muscles?
3) Obviously nudity is to be expected in the changing rooms though logic and practicality suggests underwear should be put on before shirts ties and cufflinks.
4) Remember beauty is on the inside or to put it more crudely 'you can't polish a turd'
5) Girls if you don't want boys to look at twenty of you on all fours with your bums sticking in the air in the fitness studio doing your legs bums and tums class, write to the gym and ask them to fit curtains in the fitness studio.
6) Boys be a bit more discreet when staring at the girls in legs bums and tums class otherwise they will put curtains or tinted glass in the fitness studio and deprive us of one of the few joys of the gym.
posted by Matt at 11:01 PM
2 Comments:
Wow. Now I know what readerswives.com is, I'm writing to the management of my local gym and I've downloaded the Artcic Monkeys. Who'd have thought a blog could enrich my life so easily and take away from other people's so quicky. Thank you.
Quality gym blog entry mush, keep up the good work.. Block
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